Thursday, 21 January 2010

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Today's title is from Siddhartha Gautama, better known as Buddha. It is particularly pertinent to how I feel at the moment. Anyone who read yesterday's post will know that there is a little bit of upset in my life at the moment. I can't help but think of the past in relation to current events. This morning I received a message from another part of my past, one I would much rather leave behind.

Letting go of things is something I find very difficult. It is something I constantly battle with and I turn to the wisdom of Buddhism often to try and help me with it. There are certain parts of my past that I would much rather just forget about, this person is one of them. I have managed to have no contact with them for the last 4 years bar one previous email. It is a terrible shock when I get a message from them, to the point that I feel a little bit sick. It is totally ridiculous that something so small can make me feel so bad. One day I hope to be able to think of them and the part they played in my past without any rancour. But currently this is beyond me.

I have also spent a fair amount of time recently thinking about the future. I discovered from Jenna at Cold Antler Farm that I am suffering from a condition called Barnheart. This condition rears it's head most often when I think of the future. I long for our farm and this longing seems to get worse with every passing day.

It is a combination of these unhappy thoughts of my past and desperate long for my future that make me think of the wisdom of Siddhartha. Dwelling on my past is not going to change it, nor would I really want it to. I am who I am because of every action I have taken and every choice that I have made. Dreaming of the future will not make it come any quicker. By doing either of these 2 things I am ignoring the present which is the only tangible one of the 3. I am missing moments that will make looking back on my past more enjoyable and that are building my future.

I need to spend a little bit more time centred in the present. I think most of us could benefit from that.

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