Monday, 18 January 2016

The Oddness of Grief - Part 2

This week I feel sad.

On Saturday it was my birthday. A local cinema was showing Labyrinth in honour of it's 30th year. This was planned before Bowie's death. It was sold out before Bowie's death. Labyrinth fans, we are legion. Before the film they showed some old gig footage and some of the newer music videos. David and Tilda Swinton? Yes please. That was a delight. Lazarus? Less so. I'd seen that video earlier in the week and been fine but it really hit me on Saturday.

The film was wonderful as always. I sang along. I felt sad at all the parts I usually felt sad as. I admired the fans that had come to the showing in costume. There was a raucous round of applause at the end. It was a lovely experience. I left the cinema not exactly happy but feeling that I had enjoyed myself.

Then I went to work on Sunday and I felt sad. I felt sad all day. Close to tears on many occasions. I feel that way today too. The bittersweet realisation that whilst we still have his work he is gone.

I know Jareth isn't real (Shhh, I'm just saying that for any psychologists reading) so he will always be there for me. But now there is no way at all the sequel that get's talked about will involve Bowie. And somehow the idea that some part of the Goblin King is gone leaves me feeling hollow. As a young teen all I wanted was someone to look at me like Jareth looks at Sarah and that has stayed with me always. I think I will be re-watching it more this year than I normally do.

I don't know. I knew all this last week but now it feels really real.

I finally solidified my ideas for my Labyrinth tattoo that I've wanted for what feels like forever. I want a Victorian style oval frame but the top instead of being all curly Gilt style I want it to be Jareth's pendant. Inside it I want a stylized barn owl. I just need to find someone to draw it for me now. I've been collecting reference pictures ^_^

Last week I think I was in shock. This week I feel sad.

Monday, 11 January 2016

The oddness of grief

David Bowie is dead.

Did I know him? No. Am I grieving? Yes. It almost pains me to admit it but yes, I am indeed grieving.

The man was a huge influence on my life and I am incredibly grateful for his presence. It all began with a little film called Labyrinth. It came out when I was 4 years old so I never got to see it at the cinema. However it was always on at Christmas time growing up. I would watch it and we would record it on VHS. By the time it was on tv again I would need to re-record it as I had watched it so many times that the video was wearing out. The forest wouldn't be glittery any more and you could hardly tell that Jareth's eyes were different. It went out of print as a VHS for a while and when it came back my then boyfriend bought me a copy straight away. He is long gone but I still have the VHS even though I have no way to play it. I bought it on DVD as soon as it came out. I have the soundtrack on CD. I even have a copy of the script somewhere. I can quote it at will. Words from it were the first thing my now Husband ever said to me.

Like I said, I love it. I have been fortunate enough to go to the cinema to see it once. This year is it's 30th anniversary and there will be a late night showing on my birthday to which I am going. I know I will not make it through it without crying.

As a teen I discovered glam rock and bisexuality and discovered myself as well. Bowie and the others of his time were icons who allowed me to learn how to express myself. I owe a lot of my personality, don't give a dam style (and general love of glitter) to them. I also owe a lot of my eclectic musical taste to Bowie. If I loved one artist who worked in so many styles then surely it was ok for me to like folks from all styles of music. To this day, although I have a strong leaning tot he alternative, I love music from almost every genre. Artists like Bowie and Madonna are responsible for this.

In 2000 Bowie played at Glastonbury. I was a skint 18 year old and I have always regretted not being able to go. We watched it at home on the telly but it's not quite the same thing. I did always say though that he was the one celebrity I never wanted to meet because all I would be able to do is say "You're the Goblin King". Now I'll never be able to test that theory.

So yes, I am grieving. I am grateful that I got to be influenced by this man and I am grateful that I will be able to pass that influence on to others. He will live forever through his music and films. As a  Buddhist I have to let the loss go and just be grateful. But today I will wallow in sadness and that is ok.

So long Jareth.