A change of outlook

Hey guys. It's been a while. I've been planning posts on all the fun things I've been up to I just haven't sorted out the pics to go with them. Let's just say I've been busy.

But today I feel like having a little bit of an in dept chat about my life. Since this doesn't need pics I can just go ahead and write it. I suggest you go get a beverage and nibble of your choice and settle in for this one. Done that? Good, then I'll begin.

This is how my life runs at the moment. Monday-Friday I work 8 hours a day in a office organising printed items for a national chain of care homes. I was originally employed as an office junior really and am slowly gaining more responsibility which is not what I wanted. I like the lack of responsibility. I do not dislike my job particularly, though the throwaway nature of the products we deal with does offend me mightily. I know darn well that there is no way I am going to find a job that pays so well that I like any better at the moment so I am sticking it out. However I am not really enjoying it. Because I don't really care about the job I know I have not been giving it my full attention of late (look I'm writing this while working, what does that say?!). So there have been a few mistakes. I've made my first one that cost the rep I work for any money, though in my defence it wasn't just my fault. The scary part of it was that I didn't really care. I was concerned that it could lead to me losing my job as I can't afford it but I didn't really care about the money. The rep makes enough as it is. Much more than me and the rest of my office.

Saturdays I spend mostly at the farm. I've not been lately as I've been up to my neck in Christmas stuff or it's been shut due to the weather. I love my Saturdays there. Even if I don't really feel like going I enjoy it when I'm there. I love being outside, planting and weeding and mucking out. I love standing in the garden when there is no one else there and imagining that this is my homestead. I wish it was.

Sundays are spent doing all the stuff around the house such as cleaning.

Week day evenings are spent baking, sewing, knitting, spinning etc. Except Thursdays which are the rehearsals for the AmDram group I joined.

There is never a quiet moment. Ever. Now if I didn't have to spend 35 hours a week working for someone else I would be much happier and less stressed. Because that is what I am at the moment. Stressed. I've let my meditations slip, I honestly can't remember the last time I did it. I resent the rehearsal time as I am so burnt out by Thursday but I feel I can't quit as my friend set it up and we are really short of members as it is. I'm sure that I would be more enthusiastic if I weren't so tired.

Now many people would say that I need to cut some stuff out of my life to make more time. I kind of agree. The thing is I would prefer to cut out the working for someone else. I know that I don't really. I just need a rest. I need to get back the joy I feel in doing all these things for myself. The pride I feel in making things from scratch, be it bread or clothes. I don't want to cut anything out because honestly, waht would I do with the time? I just need to change my outlook.

The plan for the new year is simple. Save money like it is going out of fashion so we can get the homestead as quickly as possible. I intend to properly set up my little crafting business, BlueFrogSticks. There will be a Folksy and a RedBubble for these. This will mean registering self employed which has always put me off a bit as I'm scared it will be complicated but my Momma assures me it is easy. I will be selling my photography through RedBubble and sewn/knitted/spun/jewellery/hair ornaments through Folksy. All money from these will go straight into the savings. I'm going to spend more time on my spiritual enrichment next year. I would like to find a retreat, either on my own or with Spadger. I think I need to gain a bit more focus and I have found weekend courses to be very refreshing. I might even look into a week long course.

2011 needs to be a year of focusing for me. I feel I have lost my way in everything I want to do. Things are so much effort at the moment and they didn't used to be. Work, farm, cooking, cleaning, gardening, being a parent, being a girlfriend, being a daughter, sometimes it's all just a bit too much. I know I can do it all, I'm just not feeling it right now.

Ok ranty whingey type thing over, I promise.