Well I managed to keep up while we were away. See them all on the Slide Show ^_^
Slide Show
Friday, 3 October 2014
Friday, 19 September 2014
365 - 16th - 19th September
Tuesday, 16 September 2014
365 - 12th September - 15th September
So I have a few more pictures to post. I've managed to keep up this week ^_^
13th - Grip. This one stumped me for ages and then I spotted all of my husband's clamps neatly rowed up.
14th - What a Mess. Autumn makes a beautiful mess everywhere. I love everything about fallen leaves. The colours, the crunch and the smell. Even the smell when they are wet and starting to decay.
15th - Changes. Autumn is all about changes. We are hitting the end of the blackberry season but there are still some ripening and changing colour.
12th - From my Garden. Technically from the farm not my garden but close enough ^_^
Friday, 12 September 2014
365 - Epic catch up
So you remember that 365 photo thing I was doing? Yeah I barely remember it either. Life kinda got in the way. But I am all caught up now. I'm not going to post them all here. Do you know how far behind I was?! But they can all be seen at the slide show. If you've been following then you want to start around image 196.
Slide show
Slide show
Thursday, 14 August 2014
Selfish
So we've all seen the news about Robin Williams right? Across social media there was an outpouring of grief and reminiscence. There were some people complaining that there were more important things happening across the world and the media should focus on those. All in all it was a standard reaction to a celebrity death. Apart from one thing.
Selfish.
A bit harsh right? But it is a common reaction to suicide. It irritates me every time I hear it and I'm going to try and explain why.
A view from the outside.
In my first year of university one of the girls I worked with took her own life. She was a bubbly wonderful person who I never saw look sad. I was going on holiday that summer with her, her sister and another of our colleagues. We were going to share a room. we had plans. Instead she took an overdose, did not die, was sent home from the hospital and took a 2nd overdose. She didn't mess it up that time.
We were devastated. The restaurant were really good with us and allowed us to drop shifts etc. A lot of time was spent in the pub trying to make sense of it all. It came out of nowhere. We cried and we laughed and we grieved. But at no point did we accuse her of being selfish. Our pain must have been nothing in comparison to hers.
A view from the inside.
The first time I made any allusions to my own death I would have been 11 or 12. I was walking down a corridor at school. It was deserted. A teacher approached and looked at me. "Who died?" they asked. "Me." I responded as I kept walking.
Anyone who has read my blog before knows I self harmed for years. During most of those years I thought about killing myself on an off. It wasn't a constant thought. It would just occur occasionally. Always it was rebuffed because I knew that it would hurt my parents too much. This went on for 9 or 10 years. it went on through the suicide of my friend. Finally at 21 I had reached my limit. The desire to stop hurting outweighed my desire to not hurt my loved ones. A decade of fighting was enough I thought. Fortunately for me I failed. I was referred to a local women's centre for counselling as the waiting list for psychologists was 2 years. I never got that counselling but I did get one meeting. At this meeting I told them that I felt awful for feeling like I did. I had no right. Nothing truly bad had ever happened to me. What right did I have to feel like this? They told me that I needed to let that thought go. That it wasn't a case of comparing. It took me another 3 years to even understand what that meant.
So I've never been diagnosed with depression. I have no clinical record. All my medical records state is self harmer. I've never had counselling or therapy. I've never had Prozac or anything like that. But I have fought since I was a child against the bad feelings. They still appear out of nowhere. But I have better shields now.
Am I selfish? Was giving up a selfish act? Or are the people that expect someone who is in pain to carry on begin in pain because if they leave it will hurt them begin selfish?
People want to fix their loved ones. It's hard to be on the outside of someone who is suffering. We want to know why. We want to find a solution. We want to make it better. The sad truth is we can't. Why is a question that will never be answered. What seems like an easy and obvious solution to you is not going to fix the pain your loved one is feeling. Someone can have all the wonderful things they can imagine and still be depressed. Depression does not discriminate and it lies in the most persuasive ways.
So do I think suicide is selfish? Yes I do. I think it is the most selfish act a person can commit. However I don't see this as wrong. Your life is your own, to do with as you wish. if you wish is to check out then that is up to you. It is your right to choose. I just hope that you don't chose that. I hope that you fight and fight until you find your way through. I hope you discover your worth. I hope that you are happy. I hope that you can focus on the times when you are happy to get you through the dark times.
I'm happy to see people talking about depression. It, and other mental illnesses, are poorly understood and often ignored. It's just really sad that people have to die for us to get talking about it. It's also really sad that it is the people who want to talk about it the least that are having to guide these conversations. If you are trying to have a conversation with a sufferer please have patience. I can guarantee that you will not leave the conversation understanng either depression or how they feel. But you will leave it knowing more than you know now. Hopefully you will leave it with a greater understanding of compassion.
Selfish.
A bit harsh right? But it is a common reaction to suicide. It irritates me every time I hear it and I'm going to try and explain why.
A view from the outside.
In my first year of university one of the girls I worked with took her own life. She was a bubbly wonderful person who I never saw look sad. I was going on holiday that summer with her, her sister and another of our colleagues. We were going to share a room. we had plans. Instead she took an overdose, did not die, was sent home from the hospital and took a 2nd overdose. She didn't mess it up that time.
We were devastated. The restaurant were really good with us and allowed us to drop shifts etc. A lot of time was spent in the pub trying to make sense of it all. It came out of nowhere. We cried and we laughed and we grieved. But at no point did we accuse her of being selfish. Our pain must have been nothing in comparison to hers.
A view from the inside.
The first time I made any allusions to my own death I would have been 11 or 12. I was walking down a corridor at school. It was deserted. A teacher approached and looked at me. "Who died?" they asked. "Me." I responded as I kept walking.
Anyone who has read my blog before knows I self harmed for years. During most of those years I thought about killing myself on an off. It wasn't a constant thought. It would just occur occasionally. Always it was rebuffed because I knew that it would hurt my parents too much. This went on for 9 or 10 years. it went on through the suicide of my friend. Finally at 21 I had reached my limit. The desire to stop hurting outweighed my desire to not hurt my loved ones. A decade of fighting was enough I thought. Fortunately for me I failed. I was referred to a local women's centre for counselling as the waiting list for psychologists was 2 years. I never got that counselling but I did get one meeting. At this meeting I told them that I felt awful for feeling like I did. I had no right. Nothing truly bad had ever happened to me. What right did I have to feel like this? They told me that I needed to let that thought go. That it wasn't a case of comparing. It took me another 3 years to even understand what that meant.
So I've never been diagnosed with depression. I have no clinical record. All my medical records state is self harmer. I've never had counselling or therapy. I've never had Prozac or anything like that. But I have fought since I was a child against the bad feelings. They still appear out of nowhere. But I have better shields now.
Am I selfish? Was giving up a selfish act? Or are the people that expect someone who is in pain to carry on begin in pain because if they leave it will hurt them begin selfish?
People want to fix their loved ones. It's hard to be on the outside of someone who is suffering. We want to know why. We want to find a solution. We want to make it better. The sad truth is we can't. Why is a question that will never be answered. What seems like an easy and obvious solution to you is not going to fix the pain your loved one is feeling. Someone can have all the wonderful things they can imagine and still be depressed. Depression does not discriminate and it lies in the most persuasive ways.
So do I think suicide is selfish? Yes I do. I think it is the most selfish act a person can commit. However I don't see this as wrong. Your life is your own, to do with as you wish. if you wish is to check out then that is up to you. It is your right to choose. I just hope that you don't chose that. I hope that you fight and fight until you find your way through. I hope you discover your worth. I hope that you are happy. I hope that you can focus on the times when you are happy to get you through the dark times.
I'm happy to see people talking about depression. It, and other mental illnesses, are poorly understood and often ignored. It's just really sad that people have to die for us to get talking about it. It's also really sad that it is the people who want to talk about it the least that are having to guide these conversations. If you are trying to have a conversation with a sufferer please have patience. I can guarantee that you will not leave the conversation understanng either depression or how they feel. But you will leave it knowing more than you know now. Hopefully you will leave it with a greater understanding of compassion.
Wednesday, 16 July 2014
365 - 4th - 15th July
4th July - Bursting
It happens to the best of balloons.
5th July - Wearing a Favourite
I'm sure you're supposed to eat ice cream not wear it.
6th July - Pride
Slowly converting the Lancashire roses to Yorkshire ones ^_^
7th July - To the Point
Somehow they don't look that sharp in close up but I know they are.
8th July - An Apple a Day
Nommy apples.
9th July - Left Behind
All that guests leave behind are rumpled bedding and love in our hearts.
10th July - On the Windowsill
Poor little bug.
11th July - Gone Fishin'
I hope the heron caught his dinner.
12th July - Centered
I usually prefer to have my subject in the left or right third of the frame. I made a conscious effort to centre this one.
13th July - Beautiful Light
No light is more beautiful that that filtering through trees.
14th July - An Old Bridge
No idea how old this bridge is but it's pretty.
15th July - Red
I love my red pepper pot.
5th July - Wearing a Favourite
6th July - Pride
7th July - To the Point
8th July - An Apple a Day
9th July - Left Behind
10th July - On the Windowsill
11th July - Gone Fishin'
12th July - Centered
13th July - Beautiful Light
14th July - An Old Bridge
15th July - Red
Friday, 4 July 2014
365 - 28th June - 3rd July
28th - Traditional Attire
The traditional attire of the gardener ^_^
29th - Clean Up
You know there is going to be some clean up needed after this.
30th - Graffiti Wall
"Where There's Muck" at the Tate Britain by Mark Wallinger
1st July - Refreshing
Damn but this was a refreshing blast of caffeine.
2nd - The Essentials
After a long day being a tourist tea and cake are the only essentials I care about.
3rd - All American
Hot dog stands on corners are very all American. Here is a British version hehehe
29th - Clean Up
30th - Graffiti Wall
1st July - Refreshing
2nd - The Essentials
3rd - All American
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